for a couple of years now i haven't been getting what i've worked so hard for
so what if i mugged like mad for o's? i ended up getting 11 points, worse, nyjc
so what if i mugged like mad for a's? what's the point of getting five distinctions when you can't get into medicine?
so what if i practiced hard all my life? the chances of going saf band are getting slimmer and the term "rifleman" seems to be the term that will figure prominently in my army life
so what, if you have a seemingly perfect girl when her parents are screwed up, or a perfect partner with musical connections when fate just doesn't allow it, or a perfect lover who's willing to sacrifice everything for you when personalities just doesn't fit?


i am fucking sian of my fucking life and i've tolerated it for quite some time. i am never a person to blow up easily. but i am fucking blowing up now.


what the fuck is going on. what do You want, God, from me. what the hell. i wasn't doing evil deeds, nor was i preaching Haram. i did everything to the best of my ability, i humbled myself before You, i placed family above all others, i studied hard, i went prayers, i made the effort to learn prayers, i asked for forgiveness, not just from You but from all others that i have offended or harmed, i did everything i could. and yet life is throwing a sucker punch back at me, in my fucking face.

people know me as a resilient person. what people don't know about resilience that it comes with mental strength. that mental strength in me is breaking.

i don't need anymore sucker punches.


in the case of my posting it hasn't been confirmed until 10am tomorrow but from the signs, its not looking very good. i am not expecting, but hoping. that all these are a joke.



i rarely use this certain acronym because i think it's overused. but seriously. FML.