okay isnt good enough.





good isnt, well, good enough.









sometimes you desire more, you want more, you demand more from yourself. i hate it when air freaking leaks out from my sound. no matter how thick or mellow it is, it'll never be full unless air stops leaking. eugene ko once said "never blame the instrument". so my final conclusion is that i cannot get the damned full tone i desire, hence im not a good player. (note to danhui: im not using the word suck, haha)

so after playing my freaking concert Bb note for two hours i decided to just blow til i shuang. my dad came back at that moment and i told him to jam with me. this is when jazz makes you forget about everything.

paolo alvarez once said "put your soul into your music", or somewhere along that line. so with that mindset i put everything i have into my very sucky adlib-ed solo with guitar accompaniment. i put my feelings of dislike, frustration, confusion, love and disappoinment all into the tenorsax, and the result is amazing. its as if you dont know where you are. closing your eyes, listening to the chords, amazing chords they are, and your mind starts reacting to what your ears are hearing, and they send signals to the fingers and they start pressing the relevant keys to produce a wonderful adlib-ed solo. in fact when you get into that mindset, you dont see darkness, only light. when the music starts to reach its peak you get to do things that you may not be able to do fluently previously. altissimo notes, running up and down. the technique of growling. subtones and notebending. thats when i realised, music changes you.




i think im becoming a saxophone geek la haha. shit.


and after growling so much my throat felt damn pain.







its 7.30pm now, reality sinks in. i have to study.